New Traditions?

I'm not sure how many of you grew up in an upper working class family like I did. It seemed that there was always a night that would come around that was affectionately referred to as "Clean-Out-the-Fridge-Night." This was a magical time when things that had been neglected for who knows how long would make there way to the dinner table. Sometimes it would take the form of a conglomeration of side dishes. Though I didn't know it at the time, this is known in parlance as "tapas" and people pay a lot of money for this kind of experience. Other times it would arrive in the form of one large dish, evenly distributed to the masses. Oliver Twist was familiar with this situation. I think our musical friends from Glee would call it a "mash-up."

Well, I'm happy to say that in my household (of one at the present time), we (the royal "we," that is) have decided to revisit the time-honored tradition once again. However, this time it is received not with a begrudged moan, but with a barbaric yawp!

Feast you eyes on this feast:

One whole onion, diced, sauteed until golden brown

One green pepper, diced (somewhat soggy, but who cares, it's being cooked anyway)

One green onion (because they were a bundle for a buck)

Three plum tomatoes (better use them quick before they become "red" paint on the fridge shelf)

One handful of celery (the parts that weren't soggy from sitting in the fridge for a week)

One handful of green beans (because they were in the bottom of the drawer and until now, no one thought to cook them in anything else)

LOTS of taco seasoning (purchased from a really nice lady in the City Market who probably has some idea how desperately a single male needs to cover up the taste of poorly cooked food)

Shove together in one large fry pan, cook until warm enough, add some rice from a couple of days ago and POOF! one happy bachelor who has just enough fuel in him to go the studio and make more work in one night than he has all week!

Isn't it remarkable how the lingering memories from childhood can come back to you in a instant? I'm thinking that if this Ceramics thing doesn't work out, I'm gonna start edging in on Paula Dean's market. Looks like I better start stocking up on lard.

Eat it, Dutch Still-Life Masters!

In the same way Dutch still-lifers would display the local commerce and decadence of their far-reaching trade economy, the humble author would like to submit to his most gracious readership for approval the kick-ass deal he got today. In no less than twenty exhaustible minutes, battling the elements of cloudless, sunny, eighty-nine degree heat, vicious hordes of voracious fellow consumers, shrewd hard-nosed Art of War-literate local farm-mongers, our hero prevailed with an armful of fresh produce that could satisfy (if not choke to near death) the most unlikely of omnivorous beasts. But the battle was not won without great cost. Our long-suffered, weary gallant adventurer was forced to give up the ghost of nineteen hard-earned American dollars to the great Beast of Capitalism. May their memory never be forgotten. For without their sacrifice, the fate of the dear author would rest in the hands of a dark and ominous plague, the godless disease that knows no creed or code, Starvinium Artistia.

Thankfully the fair reader can take heart in trusting that the fortified Paladin of Produce shall live on! Imagine the bountiful feast that this same being will enjoy for the next half fortnight while dreaming of the coming weekend in which even grander dreams of conquest and plunder might ensue. Oh the hungramity!